So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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