Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
