I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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