Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
