Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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