i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
