My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
