love makes seman taste better
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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