after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
