So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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