I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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