I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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