He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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