He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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