Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is wine microwaveable?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
