Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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