Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have tasted many bathrooms
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
