Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
