your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
