My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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