we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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