this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
