I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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