when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
