Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
