I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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