you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize