How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
