so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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