Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
