remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
