What a fucking waste of an outfit
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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