How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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