I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
