You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
