Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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