is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You did what with his pubic hair?
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