that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
