Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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