the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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