Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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