Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
