My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
