Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
