okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
