also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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