i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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