I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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