All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
