it wasn't lemon gatorade
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
