mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
