She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
