Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
