did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i came on her dog
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
