There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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