I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
