Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
