Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
