..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
