i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize