I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
should my penis look like a turkey
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
