The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
