p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize