either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize