i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
