he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
