Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
