i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
