did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize